Once upon a Radiant Rhinoceros
by The Cinnamon Chaos
Summary: My third Sailor Moon Fic. This is terrible. Really. It is. Everyone goes camping and tons of confusing things happen. It's not very good. At all. I warned ya. Teehee. Actually its great and funny. Teehee. I (heart) this story. The Cinnamon Chaos shows up.


Once Upon a Radiant Rhinoceros  
By The Cinnamon Chaos  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I took a brief break from writing horrid and crazy fics, but now Im back. I just can't stay away from  
Sailor Moon. I think I'm falling in love with her. Ah.......... Sigh......... *LOVE*......... no no wait a  
minute. I like guys. Oops. Well that's over with. I'll just write a story.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Disclaimer: If you don't trust me then fuck ya. By the way. I apologize to anyone who is offended  
by this story. I really think that gays and lesbians are cool people. Okay so read! But people this is  
horrible. Don't read if you have a weak stomach or are Catholic.  
  
Serena, Lita, Amy, Mina, Rae, Luna, Darian, Artemis, Molly, Melvin, Alen, Anne, and Catsy were  
all gathered around a large campfire in the middle of the woods. Don't ask me where the hell they  
actually found a woods. All I know is that they did and now they're camping in it. Everybody is  
toasting marshmallows. Suddenly Catsy had some canniballistic urges and she picked up Alen,  
impaled him on her marshmallow stick and shoved him into the fire.  
  
"You know what?" said Alen. "I've never done this before. Hey Anne I think I'm burning. Hows  
about you help your little honey out of the fire before I die?"  
  
Anne unfolded a newspaper and began to take a crap. "Not now dear."  
  
So Alen started screaming and writhing in pain, and everyone else just sort of overlooked it. Seconds  
later he was dead and burnt black. Catsy grabbed Alen's carcass out of the fire and began to munch  
on it. But she saved the best pieces for her favorite little pet lice.  
  
"Oh Ambridillio!" Catsy called. A big swarm of nasty bugs erupted from Catsy's icky hair. The lice  
swept down upon Alen's carcass and ate him alive.......... even though hes dead. Hmm....  
  
A loud crackle caused by Anne's crapping sent everyone staring in her direction. Everybody put on  
their embarrassed ewwy faces. Anne faced them with dignity and started to say something but then  
the force of the crap took ahold of her and he was plunged into full crapping ecstasy. Loud shitting  
noises could be heard echoing around the countryside. Which was strange because they were  
nowhere near the countryside.  
  
Serena began to tell a ghost story.  
  
"Once upon a time," said Serena, "there was this big thing and it did something!"  
  
Everyone gasped. Rae got so scared she wet her pants. Melvin got thirsty so he started licking the  
piss off of Rae's skirt.  
  
Serena continued. "And do you know what that thing was and what it did?" Her voice was  
menacing.  
  
Everybody gasped again. This time Melvin wet his pants. So he took them off and began licking  
them.   
  
"I don't know!" whimpered Lita.  
  
"WELL ME NEITHER!" Serena bellowed.  
  
Lots of people wet their pants, but not Anne(because she wasn't wearing hers), and not  
Catsy(because she wasn't paying one damn bit of attention).  
  
During this period of pants wetting and screaming, Mina and Lita snuck off by themselves into some  
bushy bushes that were alarmingly bushlike.  
  
"Hi Mina!" Lita squeaked with joy and tore off her own blouse.  
  
"Umm..... that's nice Lita......" Mina said uneasily. "Anyways. I've got a plan."  
  
"Me too sugar drops," Lita giggled.  
  
"Ohh-kay," said Mina. "But about my plan. Usually in these stories, The Cinnamon Chaos kills me  
the first chance he gets."  
  
The Cinnamon Chaos looked down from the sky where he was being all story-god-like. "HEY!" he  
demanded. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT ME!"  
  
Mina flipped him off. "Oh can it you big homo!" She looked back at Lita. "ANYWAYS! My plan  
is to stay alive through this whole damn story just to piss him off! It's a great plan isn't it?"  
  
"Well..........."  
  
"Shut up Lita," Mina snapped. "What the fuck do you know?"  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Lita screamed. She screamed and cried.  
  
Mina smacked her upside the face. "Oh shut up I didn't mean it, you grandma fucker. Now I need  
your help. I've got to have help to stay alive."  
  
"Oh alright fine," Lita agreed. "But see I thought we were coming back here to fuck. Now come on  
Mina you can't lead me on like that." Lita bit her bottom lip, and to her surprise, it exploded with  
blood.  
  
"You thought we were gonna fuck?" Mina asked with disbelief. "You nasty lesbian! Eww! Carpet  
eater! Gross! Eww! Gross! Eww! Gross!"  
  
The Cinnamon Chaos dropped a brick out of the sky and it fell on Mina's head.  
  
"Oh what the hell?" said Mina, and she tore off her clothes.  
  
Meanwhile..........  
  
"GO AWAY YOU FUCKING HORNY ANT DEVILS!" Molly screamed as Catsy's lice chased  
her around a small rock. Catsy was floating around in the air laughing her skanky blue ass off.  
  
Suddenly there was a bright flash of light, and the next thing you know, there is a girl scout standing  
there.  
  
The girl scout walked up to Melvin, who was pissing in his own mouth, and knocked on his head.  
Melvin was distracted from his work and pissed all over the girl scout. The girl scout suddenly  
morphed into a rabid tiger. The rabid tiger chewed off Melvin's head and then ate him slowly. Later  
on the rabid tiger turned a pale chartreuse and got a bad case of the runs and had to go to the  
bathroom exessively, all the while the dead man inside his stomach was screaming for more.  
  
Everyone except the two lesbos in the bushes stared at this revolting spectacle like they cared. But  
see they didn't. So it didn't really matter. So everybody looked away and returned to what they were  
doing.   
  
The tiger transformed back into a girl scout and went about it's original business. The girl scout  
walked up to the still crapping Anne and knocked on her head. Anne looked up from the newspaper  
as a sharp nasty sound sprang from her butt. The girl scout smiled sweetly.  
  
"Would you like a girl scout toilet?"  
  
Anne broke into a toothy grin. She stood up and promptly shoved the girl scout up her ass. But the  
girl scout didn't mind. She got this treatment all the time. Anne slowly bent over and crapped the  
girl scout out with cannon force. The girl scout swept across the sky, bearing the stench of feces and  
turnips two days old.  
  
Anne sat back down and got to her dirty business.  
  
Molly came running across the screen being chased around by lice. She picked up a rock and threw  
at one louse. The louse died. All of the other lice stopped in shock. Then they gathered around the  
dead louse and raised up their arms. "Revive!" screamed the lice. White light came out of their  
hands. Then suddenly the dead louse came back to life.  
  
"EEEEEK!" screamed Molly. "These are Final Fantasy 7 lice!"  
  
"Yes!" Catsy laughs. "I've put my lice through every video game ever! They are indestructable! AH  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"  
  
During this point in time..........  
  
Serena was sitting on a log. Darian was sitting beside her.  
  
"Hey Serena, wanna give me a blow job?"  
  
Serena kicked Darian in the face and exclaimed, "That's a great idea!"  
  
Serena pulled a big industrial sized fan out of her ass and switched it on. A tremendous force of wind  
came out and blew Darian away.  
  
"Heehee!" laughed Serena. "OOOOOOOOOHHHHH! What does this button do?" Serena switched  
the fan into reverse. Suddenly Darian was sucked back into the fan and got chopped into itty bitty  
tiny pieces. Bits of Darian gore splattered all over Serena's face. Serena licked her lips with glee.  
"Yum!"  
  
"I think I'm gonna fart," said Amy, because she thought no one was paying attention to her. She was  
right.  
  
* * *  
  
Molly was scared but she knew what she had to do. She went to med school and was trained. And  
then she came back as.......................................GASP.....................................a school nurse! She  
raised tiny little combing sticks into the air and attacked the lice. But the lice were too powerful.  
"Fire 4!" screamed the lice. But their magic missed and they accidentally sent a rain of fire down  
upon Mina and Lita in the bushes.  
  
Mina screamed and jumped into the air with the cucumber still lodged up her ass. Lita rolled around  
on the ground like every first grader knew how and put the fire out. But Mina just ran around like a  
flaming idiot with a goddamn salad bar stuck up her pussy. She ran into Anne, who toppled over and  
sent poo into the air like a geyser. Everyone who was still alive scattered from the scene and went to  
grab the suntan lotion. Why? You ask? Because they are all fucking idiots, that's why!  
  
But back to the battle. Molly ran forward and plunged her combing sticks into the swarm of lice  
which of course did nothing at all. The lice started crawling all around her.  
  
"Oh yeah!" screamed Molly. "You want a piece of this huh?! You want some action?! I'll give it to  
you!" Molly whipped out her tiara with a victorious grin on her face. Then her expression went  
blank and she studied the tiara for a moment. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" She  
tossed the tiara aside and belched a manly belch. The stench from Molly's mouth was unbearable  
and the lice retreated. That's when Catsy came up to the scene. She was about to bark an order for  
the lice when she suddenly coughed up a big icky ball of nasty brown mucus. The mucus ball hit the  
swarm of lice and they all died, trapped in its germinated nastiness.  
  
"Noooooooooooo!" screamed Catsy, but she was too late. In her grief, Catsy ran to her dead pets  
and wept. She shoved her head into the massive pool of mucus and dead lice and rubbed it around  
until it was totally stuck to her. And then she cried some more.  
  
Molly ran up to Catsy with all her speed, drop kicked her in the back of the neck, and split her neck  
in two. Molly laughed triumphantly. Suddenly a police car with flashing lights pulls up, a man pulls  
Molly inside, and she is whisked out of the story.  
  
Everyone glares up at the Cinnamon-Chaos-god-like-thing-up-in-the-sky.  
  
"That wasn't fair!" said Luna. Suddenly Luna is whisked out of the story by a police car.  
  
"But–" Suddenly Artemis is whisked out of the story by a police car.  
  
The Cinnamon-Chaos-god-like-thing-up-in-the-sky clears his throat. "Anyone else?"  
  
So everyone just returned to the storyline.  
  
"I'm really going to fart," said Amy, but still no one cared.  
  
Strange crapping noises came out of Anne.  
  
Serena yawned and Anne's poo splattered into her mouth. Serena's eyes bugged out and she gasped  
in shock, but then she goes, "Yum!"  
  
"IM GONNA BLOW!" screams Amy. No one cares.  
  
Mina is still on fire, and she's running around like a complete and total freakin' moron. Suddenly a  
firetruck drops out of the sky and crushes her. Mina waves one arm out from under the truck and  
shouts a muffled, "I'm still alive!"  
  
But everyone ignores her as well. They are very ignorant people. But it is okay because they are  
Japanese and have cool hair so it is okay. And Lita is a lesbian. So it is okay. Everything is okay.  
  
Rae and Serena begin to play a well fashioned game of ring around the rosie, substituting the ring  
with a triangle and covering themselves with pink feathers. No one understands them. They start  
singing the ring around the rosie song and begin spinning. After awhile they are spinning so fast that  
they look like a pink chainsaw. They begin running into rocks and trees and slicing everything they  
touch in half.  
  
Amy looks up at the sky and shouts, "Cinnamon this is fucking retarded! Your story makes no  
sense! Your stories are all stupid! We hate them! Every fucking one of them! You are so fucking  
gay and stupid! I hate you!"  
  
The Cinnamon-Chaos-god-like-thing-up-in-the-sky looked down at her with hurt in his eyes. But  
then he started smiling, flipped her off, and smacked her with his giant hand. Amy went flying into a  
big old oak tree and was knocked unconscious. Cinnamon pulls the tree out of its roots and then  
starts hitting Amy with it. Then he gets a little confused and starts hitting himself over the head with  
the big tree. WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM! Uh oh hes getting a little dizzy.  
  
"Oh no!" screams Lita. "If he gets confused the whole storys gonna go to hell!"  
  
Suddenly everybody was in hell.  
  
"Heaven!" screamed Lita.  
  
Suddenly everybody was in Heaven. There they saw Saddam Husein fucking Pope Innocent II up  
the ass, and God tapping his foot in annoyance. And a little ways to the left Jesus was beating  
Cruella Devil over the head with a giant crucifix.  
  
"Oh Damn," muttered Lita.  
  
Suddenly everybody was back in hell.  
  
"Fuck it!" shouted Serena.  
  
Suddenly they were having a big lesbian orgy.  
  
Suddenly a gigantic duck swoops down out of the sky, shoves Rae in its beak, and whisks her out of  
the story.  
  
"This is stupid!" Amy screamed up at the Cinnamon Chaos. "You're a fuckin' moron! I HATE  
YOU!"  
  
Suddenly Amy was fucking a moron.  
  
Everyone: EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
  
Lita: Oh dammit! He's put the story into script form!  
  
Mina: (from beneath fire truck) WAHHHHH! I don't like this!  
  
Amy: Get your dick outta me you moron!  
  
Moron: (explodes)  
  
Everyone: EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
  
Lita: I feel alone and seperated from everyone! I'm gonna join you Mina!  
  
Mina: Back off me fuck face! NO!  
  
Lita and Mina: Teehee. Now we get to do everything together. Fuck that! I don't wanna say  
everything you say! Too bad sugar drops. I hate you ya dumb bitch! Fuck you up the ass! Please do!  
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Please pass the salt.  
  
Serena: (still miraculously spinning even though Rae is gone) WHEEEEE! (Bug flies in her mouth)  
YUM!  
  
Amy: That was lame dude.  
  
(suddenly Amy is crippled)  
  
Amy: Damn you. Oh shit! I think I'm gonna fart again!  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: (pokes Amy with a bobby pin and she explodes into a tiny swirl of pixie dust)  
  
Lita and Mina: Back off me you skanky hoe! I said BACK OFF! OWWWW! Oh wow that was  
fun! It was so mechanical! WHEEEEEEE! Oh my god that tastes good! Soap!  
  
(Suddenly Lita and Mina merge to form Lititamina)  
  
Lititamina: I'm a homo.  
  
Anne: Why is everyone ignoring me?  
  
Girl Scout: I'm BAAACK!  
  
Everyone: OH GOD!  
  
Girl Scout: Would you like a girl scout toilet?  
  
Lititamina: Hell yes!  
  
Girl Scout: (grins)  
  
(Suddenly a toilet drops out of the sky. A herd of Buffalo run by)  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Well geez.........  
  
Lititamina: (grabs girl scout and jams her up her ass) Oh hell yeah!  
  
Anne: (squish squish splat splat)  
  
Serena: Is this gonna be over soon? You really suck Cinnamon, you know that? This is boring. No  
ones even laughing. Hell I doubt anyones even reading this bullshit. I know I'm not.  
  
(Suddenly Serena is staring at a pile of bull shit pretending to read it)  
  
Amy: (from out of nowhere) That was lame too.  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Hey I thought I killed you!  
  
Amy: Sorry bud. I work with the sound effects tem.  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: (clenches fists) Those damned annoying rats.........  
  
Amy: Squeak!  
  
Queen Beryl: (stepping out from behind a pine tree) AHAGAGA! I have come at last!  
  
Serena: YAY! Something to do!  
  
Anne: (lifts ass up in the air. Takes a big ol' shit)  
  
(Anne's crap splatters all over Beryl)  
  
Beryl: Oh my God! You fucking bitch! I will suck the energy out of these people! Not you and your  
damn Cardigans!  
  
(Anne throws a Cardigan card at Beryl and kills her)  
  
Beryl's Body: Okay maybe not.  
  
Serena: Dammit Anne! (Shoves her tiara onto Anne's head)  
  
Anne: (transforms into beauty quuen)  
  
Anne: LALALALALALALALALALALALALA! I'm beautiful.  
  
Lititamina: I'm a homo.  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Yeah we got that bitch.  
  
Lititamina: (so shocked she decomposes)  
  
Mina: Thank god im outta that hell hole.  
  
Lita: I'm a homo.  
  
Amy's Voice: (sarcastically) What a shocker.  
  
Mina: I'm leaving before he kills me!   
  
(Mina starts running away. She trips on a rock and dies)  
  
Lita: Haha! You died!  
  
(Suddenly a small airplane flies by, hits Lita in the head, and kills her)  
  
Serena: This is getting strange.  
  
(Serena shoves her head in the bull shit and suffocates to death)  
  
Amy's Voice: How retarded. Is this gonna be over soon?  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Who knows?  
  
Anne: I'm still alive and I'm soooooo beautiful.  
  
(Anne's tiara slips down her face, hits her in the nose, and kills her)  
  
Yeti: (jumps out of nowhere) I'VE COME TO EAT YOU ALL!  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Dammit you're late!  
  
Yeti: Oops.  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Everybody's already dead.  
  
Yeti: Well that makes me angry.  
  
(Yeti explodes. Everyone everywhere dies.)  
  
Amy's Voice: That was stupid.  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Hey you're supposed to be dead.  
  
Amy's Voice: Well so are you.  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Good point. So where the hell are we?  
  
Amy's Voice: We're trapped in damned FanFiction.  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Aww no shit? Well damn!  
  
Amy's Voice: Fuck this! I'm going somewhere else. Nothing's happening here. See ya bitch.  
  
(Amy's Voice suddenly disappears)  
  
Cinnamon Chaos: Hmm.......  
  
(Cinnamon Chaos suddenly disappears)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I humbly apologize for wasting everyone's time. C ya. 


End file.
